The California Mission Finale
As we drove, we had all three put our stories together and arrived at the same conclusion. It seems these country boys had awoke, after being lost in traffic, at a local nudist beach! They decided that since they were merely support or back up vehicles, that they would just take a little tour before going on to San Luis Obisbo. Now, although they were soldiers, they were still youngsters in their early twenties, and after my initial anger I became more concerned for their safety than their disobedience. I could deal with the disobediencethats easily rectified. But I didnt want to have to catostrophic news to family members.
So, there we were baring down on the beach, the First Sergeant driving and Reggie and me cussin and a bit anxious for sure. We soon arrived at the notoriouis beachit was the only one in town and sure enough, there were my three vehicles, standing out like sore thumbs. One assistant drive was standing guard and when he saw my vehicle, the kid thoiught the end of the world had come. The First Sergeant rolled up alongside and glared at the private and said, Bring your Platoon Seargent, Squad Leader and see me after dinner. Do you understand, Private? Yes sergeant. Ill be there. Where ARE they? He growled and with a jesture of a westerly direction we were offto the relief of the soldier.
We soon parked and set out to recon the areaall together--. Now even though we were older and had been many places, foreign and domestic, this was the first time ANY of us had had any dealings with a nudist beach. How in the HELL are we gonna find em,Captain? Reggie and the First Sergeant asked in unison. I didnt really know the answer to that question, but I could smell blood and had my poker face on as we approched and soon came to the military crest of the sand burm.
It was a sight to behold. Im tellin you it looked like Sodom and Gomorrah!! There must have been fifteen acres of a crop of matched tittiesfrom one end of the beach to the other. WE were the standouts because WE were the only ones in clothsArmy BDUs (battle dress uniforms) at THAT! I didnt care. We were just walking througb the crowds like it was nothing. The First Sergeant was visibly unnerved and Reggie seemed to be the only one enjoying himself.
We walked the beach, first north and then turned south. There were just so many folks out there it was hard to tell who was whoor was it? As we walked back down the beach I locked onto a group of people that just HAD to be my people. THERE THEY ARE, by God! I said, and with that we make a direct path toward them. It is sufficient to say that they spotted US before I spotted THEM but nevertheless we were now in immediate contact. I wanted to ring their naked NECKS! They were a sight to beholdand as easy to spot as we were, for the most part. As much as I wished I could, Reggie and I did what we should have done. We just laid back and let the First Sergeant take care of the enlisted . Get them GD----d clothes and get em on right NOW!! He bellowed. Their eyes were big as saucers. Reggie and I just turned back toward the vehicle and left the First Sergeant, in full control, screaming and discussing their ancestry. As we sat in the vehicle, Reggie and I looked at each other and just busted out loud laughing. Aint this some sh_t, John? Yup, sure as hail is, but its the stuff of memories, you know. It wasnt long before the First Sergeant came stomping back up to the vehicle. He got in and didnt say a word. Capn Im really sorry about allI just stopped him in mid sentence, sensing his embarrassment. I looked him in the eye and said, Tom, did you have fun out there? We laughed all OVER again for five minutes.
That evening after we had had our disciplinary session, one of the men said, how did you find us so quickly, sir? I said, it wasnt that hard, soldier. You three were the only ones on the beach with bleach-white bodies and with left arms that looked like a Mexicans!
You see, Army trucks, for the most part are not air conditioned. After five days of driving and left arms hanging out the window, it didnt take a rocket scientist to find em. All ended well and I was relieved to have my company safely under wraps at the Army post.
We rested the next day and had some R & R (no nudist beaches) and the third day in, we launched for our return trip. It was a fairly uneventful trip back with the usual issues dealing with the logistics etc. The only thing that happened out of the ordinary is that my second platoon leader got confused and led twent HETS (heavy equipment transports Tank transports) right downtown Phoenix!! To this day he doesnt know how he did it and was happy that they survived it without major incident. He just got the police to escort them back to the freeway and they were glad to do it. Needless to say, he snarled the traffic for a time but his troops took it all in stride. The young lieutenant was a good officer and most unflappable. That character trait paid off for him at that time.
Four days out of California we arrived at Red River Army Depot and deposited the APCS, with pride. After a nights rest, we dead-headed (no loads) back to the Arsenal and stood down. Families were waiting anxiously for our arrival.
I dismissed them as soon as we had taken care of necessary business and they went to their respective families--all glad to be home. We came back the next day and did out housework; cleaning tents, storing equipment, PMCSing (preventative mantenance checks and services) all vehicles and on the second day in, a Sunday, I dismissed them fromt he mission, telling them of the pride I had in them for their accomplishments. It was a special mission and each onemost especially our nudistshave memories that will last them a LIFETIME. And THAT, my friends, was the California Mission.
I want to thank each of you for comin along. It was a sho-nuff pleasure! "Company, disMISSED!"
JOHN A. GARRETT
CPT, TC, Commanding (Ret)
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What! No pictures??
Too bad ya didn't have a video camera back then!
