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it took me almost 20 years-NOW,I have an answer...(long)...

W

warthog

New member
For those that dont know,I was married once before-for 11 years....without boring you with all the details,let me say that it turned into the equivalent of the most horrendous train wreck you can imagine-it takes 2 to divorce,and Im partly to blame,yes-BUT:for almost 20 years,I agonized over what I did wrong;so as not to repeat it in my 2nd marriage...what I remember hearing from my ex:"WHY DONT YOU GET A SKILL,SO WE CAN MAKE SOME REAL MONEY??"Thats not an un-reasonable request,I guess-STILL;When I got a job making$$$'s a week working 7 days constantly,she left me for a co-worker"friend"of mine that left to become an iron-worker...A SKILL-AND???They got divorced after 2 years:shrug:...the last 2-3 years we were together;EVERYTHING I said or did was wrong to her;and she took great pride in telling everyone-including my mother and sisters-this time and time again...the car breaking down-its MY fault---Her son in trouble???My fault....We had a daughter whom is now about 26,and lives with her mother-because of her mother bad-mouthing me to her,I have NOT seen my daughter since May of '89;she claims she hates me,and wants nothing to do with her dad....WHY???her mother still bad mouthing me to her,probably still telling her there's nothing I do or say right...NOW-I have had LOTS of years to mull this around;and I believe I have a answer to my question WHY did all this happen to me??I even spent time in a mental-health facility while I was married-Know what they said??"We want to talk to your WIFE"-'Cause I kept referring to the fact Im all wrong according to her...The answer??I believe my ex-wife is mentally dysfunctional-and all this time I thought I was...and I believe she has been for a LONG time-always comparing me to other people(WHY CANT YOU BE MORE LIKE HIM???)...Ya know what??I harbor no grudges,or ill feelings any more...I just wish my daughter would take it upon herself to DECIDE for herself if her mother knows what she's talking about,in reference to me....AMEN!!!
 
Sorry about your past experiences in marriage and with your children by your previous wife! She sounds a lot like my ex, who blamed me also for everything and he still won't admit he was ever wrong in anything and with the gift of gab and a lying tongue my oldest daughter still believes him but my youngest daughter understands while my son just gets along with both my ex and me! I have forgiven him and my children for my own peace of mind and it is up to them to make peace with God and each other! :shrug:

So glad that you understand now that nothing is ever all your fault, as there takes two or more to argue and fight! I was part of the problem also as I didn't know Jesus like I do now, as my own personal Savior, Who has given me peace and joy that passes all understanding! What you can do now for your children, especially, your daughter is.....to pray for her to draw near to Jesus and He will draw near to her to show her the truth in the whole situation of your marriage! If you want to see and know her, pray for her to want to seek and find you, so you both can come to truly love each other as father and daughter! Prayer works miracles and, if you can, maybe you can find her and take her out to eat and do some talking in a quiet and peaceful place where you both can cry, if need be, and to discuss senseably all that has happened in the years gone by that you have missed being together! Love conquers all, so ask Jesus to help you both find the love for one another that should be and should have been in all the years of not knowing each other! God is good and He says to seek and He will answer, to ask and you will find! Jesus is the way to reach out and be a loving father to her and it is never too late to accomplish that union of father and daughter as long a you both are alive! :angel:

God Bless!
Betty
 
May God bless your daughter with the truth and open her heart to His love and yours.

MOH
 
I know it isn't according to God's plan for people to divorce. We get so wound up and twisted (satan) over this. What God has brought together let no man put asunder. Then I got thinking how many did God bring together. Like most of us, I am pretty sure, we go out like cavemen to find the woman we want then drag her to our cave. Is God in the cave? Did God say go forth and capture yourself a woman and take her to you cave and make her your slave?

God 'brought' Eve to Adam. God and Adam were together in the Garden and God was a big part of Adam's life. God knew Adam needed a mate and created Eve.

No compare our lives with that. Most of us were running from God doing our own thing - doing what pleased us - not God. God was in most cases not even a part of our lives. We were lonely and we sought after something to fill a void - something missing from our lives. For many that void was filled with women, work, alcohol, drugs, etc. Nothing satisfying. So in our search for what we want we got what we wanted. Again, not satisfying. Did God bring this type of union together? Nope. Remember let no man put asunder what God has brought together. Since He didn't do the bringing like He did for Adam we took on being unequally yoked. Even with God and Adam and Eve together in the Garden, Eve decided to do what she wanted not what God had told her was best for her.

Any of this making sense? The best marriages as far as I can tell are where 2 people love God and it is God who rewards them by bringing them together and it is His union, not ours, that is blessed.

They are equally yoked, they have the same views of life according to God's wonderful plan. The marriage is a cord of 3. A cord of 1 is easily broken, A cord of 2 is stronger and the cord of 3 is strongest of all (man, woman and God).

In my case it is no wonder the first two marriages failed. Even though God was in the first one...we walked away from God and went to do what pleased us. The second, God was not there at all.
The only thing I can say about my part of the failure of the marriages was not what I did or did not do for my wife (#1 or #2) but what I failed to do for God. I failed to keep Him first in my life.

I am sure this will be a topic where some agree and some disagree but just the way I see things - right or wrong. Either way, God's way is far better than our way.

Blessings

Pete
 
Very good post, Pete, and that is the way I believe and know that a marriage should be blessed of God with Him ruling over husband, husband over wife and wife over any children they may produce for their good and God's purpose! A husband and wife in a Godly marrige will also bring up their children in the way they should go and when they are old they shall not depart from it! Husband over wife doesn't mean he can be telling her and making her do everything for his benefit! No, he treats and loves her like God loves the church and gave Himself for her! Are we still in the dark ages? No, we are living in Jesus' light....the AD (after darkness) so no man or woman should be unkind or boss the other one around and think they are above the other to be waited on hand and foot! They are to be equal and as you said, In God, they are equally yoked...pulling forward on God's road of life and not with one trying to go to the right or the left! Sure doesn't balance a wagon or a marriage....upsets the whole thing in travelling or for an enduring marriage of love and happiness! So sad that most of us learn of this after making many, many mistakes and divorces! But Praise God we have a Lord and Savior, Who by our accepting Him makes all things right when we love and live for Him! And Thank You, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, for working God's truth in our homes and lives! :angel:

God Bless!
Betty
 
[size=medium]A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

~ Ecclesiastes 4:12, NLT


Mat 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. [/size]
 
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