My son called me for Father's Day last night-It ended up with me having to put him in his place::nono:...

[warthog]

..he called last night at 10;started out great-BUT;AS ALWAYS,he started telling me things like"as smart a man as you are;Im surprised you would fall for that "religion"thing-This happens once a year-AT LEAST-Its,at the most,mildly irritating to me-THIS TIME;he started bad-mouthing my ex for the way she treated me;brought up -AGAIN-the fact that she ran off with a co-worker"friend" of mine-
which she did-and he was re-living 1989(when this all took place)all over again-After 30 minutes of it;I had enough-AND;I told him-"YA KNOW WHAT-WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND MY EX-WIFE IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR CONCERN-ITS IN THE PAST-GET OVER IT-YA KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT ALL YOU ARE GOIN ON ABOUT-I HAVE NOT;NOR WILL NOT,CHANGE MY BELIEFS FOR YOU;OR ANYBODY ELSE-AND IM NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT ANY OF THIS ANYMORE"!!!!!!...and then I hung up on him..He is 32;he sure dont act like it sometimes...I have told him in the past either confront his mother on all this;or let it go...i also told him"Listen-Our divorce was not all your mother's fault-I share in AT LEAST half the blame for that failure"-All he remembers is what she did to me;for some strange reason...C'MON SON-ITS BEEN ALMOST 20 YEARS NOW-PUT IT BEHIND YA-LOOK TO THE FUTURE-.I hated to be blunt with him;but my mother taught me"sometimes you have to stand up and tell your kids the way it is-no matter HOW old they are"...Smart woman;indeed....

 

[Tagamet]

I'm sorry, but it sounds like your son is lagging WAY behind on the maturity curve. He's only focussed on his own needs and disregarding YOURS. He may have mistaken your past Christian tolerance of his behavior as acceptence, but it's more likely that he just cares more about his own feelings than he cares about yours. You did what HE needed you to do - he needs to get things back in perspective and grow up. I suspect that you are already praying for him, and I'll add him to our list too.
God Bless,
Tagamet
PS Yes, I'm a shrink

 

[Pete in MI]

those who live in the past never see the future. My step-mother was like that. Wasted a lot of years complaining about things long gone and only made herself look bad instead of those she was putting down.

All ya can do is keep praying for him. Whether he changes or not is between him and God. But you are right you do not have to take abuse - verbal or otherwise - from anyone - especially your own kid.

If he brings up the past - ask about his future? What is he doing to better himself? What is he doing to help others? What is he doing to have an everlasting existence with God or is he still wallowing in stuff that will give him everlasting misery?

Just a thought. Turn the tables and make him think of his future and maybe he will wake up or hang up saving you some grief.

 

[warthog]

..Thats just part of the story-he started interrogating me about why I didnt do this;why did I do it that way regarding his mothers'and mine divorce and other aspects of my life...I dont feel I owe him any kind of an explanation regarding the past-HE CANT STAND it when I tell him to grow up and quit livin in the past-he says"DONT TELL ME TO GROW UP!",and I come right back with "GROW UP;AND I WONT HAVE TO!"...I expect him to tell me one day either I stop this "religion thing", ro he wont talk to me anymore...I already sent him a letter today telling him the LORD made me what I am today;and I wont change my firm beliefs in Him and HIS SON for him or anybody else;so ya might as well quit trying....He is 32-His life,his choice..his loss...

 

[warthog]

Welcome to the forum-where did ya come up with that catchy user name??I bet its cause you have to take it after listening to all the things you hear-and I JUST BET you could tell some whopper stories;couldnt you??I have always been amazed by your profession-Do ya ever get tired of listening to the same old problems day after day??Didya ever just want to tell them GET A LIFE???

 

[Tagamet]

I started using the handle "Tagamet" a couple of decades ago, when it had just come out and was still a prescription medication. Not too many people even knew that it was a medication back then. Before that, I went by "Shrinkwrap" LOL.
Although the job never got boring (I just retired a year ago after 34 years in one place), I did learn pretty quickly that I had to try to leave work AT work. I chose to work mostly with "special" kids and their parents, but for about 14 years I had an additional practice out of my home office in the evenings (to earn money for our 2 daughter's college educations) I worked that practice around when they were asleep, so I didn't scarifice family time. That practice was mostly with adults regarding parenting issues or marriages that were on the ropes.
Elder daughter has a Degree in Special Ed and a Masters in Deaf Education. She's also married to a minister. The younger daughter graduates from college this Dec. (2007). My wife and I were born and raised 2 miles apart in a TINY town and were ballroom dance class partners when I was in 7th grade. Went to the same HS, same college, and STILL got married to each other 35 years ago this August. My Dear One teaches a preschool that she started after the girls were in school.
I know that this "ran long" but old habits dies hard. Shrinks TALK ALOT (lol).
Be well and God Bless,
Tagamet

 

[Pete in MI]

Luke 12:51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.


Sound familiar Steve?

 

[Pete in MI]

n/t

 

[Tagamet]

n/t

 

[steve in so la]

d

 

[Tagamet]

n/t

 

[Mike from MI "Iron Brigade"]

welcome to the forum. I hope we see a lot more of you! God bless!

 

[Tagamet]

n/t

 

[warthog]

n/t