Not sure what to do:(

[Silverstar_Lawman]

My wife and I just here a couple of weeks ago joined a new church and have been having a great time on Sundays and Wednesdays attending. Last Wednesday our Pastor was talking about different ministries and so my wife although she is VERY shy agreed to sing in the choir. So today was her first time at practice and I went with her for moral support. When they started she got up on the stage and while they were doing sound checks everyone was sitting around and no one save one gentleman introduced himself or said a word to her. She felt like they did not want her there and walked to the bathroom before they began, when she didn't return for a few minutes I went to check on her and she was in the bathroom crying. I know that some of what she felt was because she was going to be in front of people, but I guess what bothers me is the fact that she felt that tension you feel when you know people don't want you around. Now I'm not neigh eave I know that not everyone who attends church feels the way they pretend to every Sunday, but all of them save one? I love the church and so does she, but I love my wife and don't want her to feel like shes not welcome. What do I do?

 

[Magyar]

Silverstar,

For 30 years I served as organist and choir director for 2 choirs ....and I have also directed community choruses.

The situation that you described I have often had happen in my choirs (unfortunately) when a new member intially joins the group..if the choir director is not there to introduce and ask the choir members to welcome the "new comer".

Often times I was either late to a rehearsal, or I was too busy getting music prepared so I didn't notice that a new member had arrived.

It would be several minutes before I even noticed the new member who would usually be seated quietly, and a bit uncomfortable in the midst of a group of strangers. I would then immediately introduce the new member and request of the choir to make that person feel welcome...and they did joyfully because a new choir member is always so much needed to add to the voices in praise of God... and there was no further problem.

I don't know about other type of groups dynamics, but with my choirs, it was always just one or two people in the group who would initiate a personal introduction to the new member prior to my introduction at the beginning of the rehearsal....the choir members were just as reticent as the new member...interesting , but true

In my many years of experience with choirs, it is definitely the responsibility of the choir director to make sure that any and all new members are made to feel most welcomed and we try...really ..because we can't afford to lose a voice...in any range category..we need all the voices we can get.

In most situations, I had received a phone call prior to a new member's first choir rehearsal and this was great because I was able to tell the new choir member about my choir, and instruct the new member to approach me when first entering the rehearsal hall at the first rehearsal. so that I could introduce him/her to the group . This made it more comfortable for the new choir member to feel at ease and "melt in" with the group.

Choir members are of a serious nature and are somewhat anxious themselves at rehearsals because they have an important task at hand...they have to learn the music inside out, upside down and right side up.....( that's the way I conducted my choirs...very strictly) There was time for fellowship after the rehearsals.

I would suggest that your wife, who was so thoughtful and generous in giving of her time to join the choir , talk to the choir director about how she feels ( felt) and perhaps the choir director will be able to correct this situation.

I hope this posting has helped you and your wife

God Bless you both

 

[Mike from MI "Iron Brigade"]

I am betting that it is not that they didn't want her there, but that they are just not that good about making someone feel welcome. I bet before long she will fit right in. Maybe mention it to the pastor, or if you know anyone else in the choir. Don't give up yet! God has a plan and it is good!

 

[ThreeStooges]

.You have seen a lot of good qualities in this church that have attracted you to it, but like all churches they have their weakness,this may be one..I have gone to 4 churches in the last year and a half,and the one I have chosen,is actually the simplest,their band will never make a cd.The pastor is a man who walks in the word of the lord,and the congregation is made up of all nationalities, when you bring this under one roof,you can feel God's love all around you.I would suggest that you give more time, to get to know people,and find other activities within the church that interest you

God bless you and your wife

John

 

[Joe G]

... I have to admit that I haven't always welcomed every new person that came for the first time. However, during sound checks, before everything starts, everyone's catchin' up with all the people they haven't seen in a week; blabbin' away Sometimes people don't think. I do know that at some point, the worship Pastor will welcome the new people and introduce them.

I can remember my first night at choir. I was nervous. I felt like an outsider trying to sing with all "pros". Well, I've learned over the years that there are no "pros", just people who love the Lord and want to use the talents He's given them to lead others in worship Give them a chance and I'm sure it'll be just fine.

 

[Pete in MI]

Best answer I can give is to turn it over to God. Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you. People are people and they do get wound up in their own thoughts. I know singing with our Praise and Worship team that there are things I have to do...including pray..before rehearsal and before the church starts its service. Because I am thinking about this, that and the other thing, I sometimes fail to realize people are trying to get my attention to talk to me about varioous things. That doesn't mean I am trying to snub them on purpose or make them feel I don't care or 'they are not worthy' of my attention.

I first started singing with the Men's Ministry about once a month. Then the 'regular' P&W team said if anyone wanted to be on the team and sing with them to come to practice. Strange, I came and sang with the team...a mother and her 2 daughters...who BTW not only quit singing but also no longer attend the church. I thought it was my fault that they stopped singing and stopped coming to church. I never said anything just felt like maybe I had done something wrong. Much later I found out it wasn't anything I said or had done.

All I can offer is my prayers, my experiences from above, and ask you both give this more time...whether you please other people or not is not as important that you are pleasing God and God will reward you for pleasing Him. Pray, turn it over to God and give some time for God to work in the hearts of the others.

 

[Paul(NWO)]

the choir director has worked with the choir to be focused on glorifying the LORD in what they do. It might also be that most of the choir are "type b" personalities and aren't outgoing to introduce themselves to others. This bad experience may be the only bad experience she has with the choir and she knows how it feels so she can greet any other new members.
May GOD bless you and yours.

 

[vstar2007]

I know how yiu fill. We are members of a small church and there is so much love and faith that sometimes it seems un real..We know each other and help one another as best as we can. When I visit some of the other churches around it seems like it is a little cooler, or they look at you a little different. Pray and ask GOD what you should do, he will provide the answer in one form or another. He will not let you and your family down my friend. We are praying for you and your family, that the situation will work out for you.


David

 

[warthog]

Too bad she couldnt get over her shyness-AND GO RIGHT IN,AND INTRODUCE HERSELF TO THEM;then they have to reciprocate,or look like a fool....There are a LOT of people that the thought of getting up in front of others for any reason is almost impossible-I hafta admit,after all the times I have played in front of people;I still get a case of the nerves doing it...I cant remember who said it,but some entertainer was quoted as saying"If you are not even a little nervous being up in front of an audience;you do not BELONG up in front of an audience".....

 

[camel]

I have been an actor in the musical The Promise for 11 years,during that time i have been guilty of not welcoming new cast members in the proper way.i know during the first cast meeting of the season everyone has got a lot of things on their mind.given a little time people will start to warm up,and by the end of the season a lot on new friendships will have developed.we will just pray that this situation will work itself out.has anyone out there seen The Promise?we are on the net at www.thepromiseglenrose.com everyone have a blessed day.

 

[Mike Chgo area]

n/t