Jim West Pa
New member
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes
to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches
the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good
to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up
fast, and we have been ministering an entrance
examination for everyone. The test is short, but you
have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St.
Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance
exam. I sure hope that
the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as
it was."
St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the
test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter
T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He
returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him
up, and says, "Now that you
have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me
your answers."
Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two
days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks,
that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed,
"Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will
give you credit for that answer. How about the next
one?" asked St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk
and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can
be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest,
how in Heaven's name
could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are
going with this, and I see your point, though that was
not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to
give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with
the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St
Peter. "Ok, I can understand
how you came up with your answers to my first two
questions, but just how in the
world did you come up with the name Andy as the first
name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest
replied. "I learnt it from the song,
"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME
I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run
Forrest, run."
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke, To get
some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks.
to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches
the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good
to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up
fast, and we have been ministering an entrance
examination for everyone. The test is short, but you
have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St.
Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance
exam. I sure hope that
the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as
it was."
St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the
test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter
T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He
returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him
up, and says, "Now that you
have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me
your answers."
Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two
days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks,
that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed,
"Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will
give you credit for that answer. How about the next
one?" asked St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk
and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can
be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest,
how in Heaven's name
could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are
going with this, and I see your point, though that was
not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to
give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with
the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St
Peter. "Ok, I can understand
how you came up with your answers to my first two
questions, but just how in the
world did you come up with the name Andy as the first
name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest
replied. "I learnt it from the song,
"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME
I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run
Forrest, run."
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke, To get
some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks.