Hi Steve,
I don't pretend to know what the situations are, or what the circumstances are in your marriage, and it is certainly none of my business. I just wanted to say that I sense your hurt and frustration. Please rethink things before making a decision about "getting rid of her." I KNOW how it is to be hurt and think you aren't loved as much as you want to be, or as much as you deserve to be. I know what it feels like to believe that you are playing second fiddle to someone else. Tim and I have been married for 25 years, and now, our marriage is absolutely wonderful! Not perfect by any means... no marriage is perfect, but it sure is good. That hasn't always been the case though. It has been this way for only about the last 9-10 years. There was never any adultery/infidelity on either side, and there was never any type of physical abuse, yet for several years we lived in pure hell. Tim used to treat me like CRAP. He was exceptionally verbally abusive, cold hearted, HATEFUL, wanted to fuss and pick fights all the time, uncaring toward our kids, everything & everybody came before me................. ...................... ................................... ...................................... I could go on and on. He wasn't like that ALL the time; I could have never lived with it if it was a constant thing, however, it was a regular thing. There were times I made up my mind to leave, but never followed through. There were times he packed his stuff and left, but was always back home by dark. We had some really rough years! But I hung in there and prayed and prayed - for years! I prayed for him. I prayed for him to truly get 'right with the Lord', and I prayed for his hard heart to be replaced with a soft heart of love. A heart that was filled with love for me, his family, our marriage, and our home. I prayed for our marriage. I prayed that we would once again fall head over heels in love with each other and for us to be CLOSE and the very best of friends. I prayed for a HAPPY and FULFILLING marriage. And I prayed for ME. I prayed that God would open my eyes to the things that needed to change in ME for all of this to come to pass, and for Him to help me change it. I prayed for the Lord to help me treat Tim is such a way that, even though he might be treating me like crap, he could see the Lord's love, mercy, and grace operating through me toward him. There were many, MANY, times that things seemed to get worse instead of better! But I hung on and didn't give up on the Lord moving in the situation, and I didn't give up on Tim or our marriage, and I'm here to tell you - God did far above all I could ever ask or think! Like I said, things aren't perfect, and there is still room for improvement, but we SURE ARE HAPPY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though this was years ago, I recently found out that Tim still often prays for things to get even better! And for us to be even closer! Now, to me, that's AWESOME!
Of course you have to do whatever you feel is best, and I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm just asking you to not give up! It doesn't matter how bad things look in the natural, when the Lord shows up, he can resurrect anything! Sometimes, things have to 'get to the stinking point' before He moves. Remember - Lazarus was dead for four days before Jesus arrived on the scene, and when he told them to roll away the stone from the tomb, Mary (the sister of Lazarus) told Jesus that Lazarus had been dead for four days, and that by that time he was already stinking! Jesus wasn't moved by how things looked - or smelled - in the natural realm. Jesus just looked at her and said, "Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?", and then he had them take the stone away and he called Lazarus out - out of death - and old Lazarus came hopping outta there! Steve, don't give up on God, your wife, or your marriage. God is well able to resurrect it and breathe life into it! Think it over. Pray, and pray hard; even if it takes years to see the results. Jesus didn't come running as soon as he heard Lazarus was sick. The Word says that he waited for days before going. So even if you don't see immediate results, don't give up! If you will pray and BELIEVE, then, like Jesus told Mary, you will see the glory of God! Even if the process is slow, changes will come. When it looks like it's getting worse instead of better, HANG ON and keep praying and believing!!! I hope He will do a quick work, but that isn't always in His plans, or how He moves. Hang in there, if you can, and pray, believe, and be an example for your wife. Allow God to show you what you need to do, and the mistakes you might be making, and then let Him make changes in YOU that need to be made in order for things to get better - for there are always two sides to every story, ya know.
Lisa (in Alabama)
Treasuredigger