TreasureDigger
Active member
Randy,
Want you to know that I will continue to pray for you and Kathy. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. All married couples have their differences, fusses, tiffs and fights. While that can be stressful, damaging, or at the very least, unpleasant, we are usually able to forgive and move on. BUT, if a person (or a couple) has never experienced serious marital problems, they honestly do not have a clue what you are going through. They might think they understand, simply by trying to imagine themselves in your shoes, or trying to base your situation on their own past tiffs and difficulties - but like you said, "Walk a mile in my shoes and see if you do not feel the way I do." Until you actually walk a mile in those shoes, you really DO NOT understand... even though you THINK you do. While all the details might not be exactly the same, I, my friend, HAVE walked in your shoes! And I KNOW, first hand, the pain, hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment you are feeling. I lived in pure hell for several years before God miraculously intervened in my marriage. There was never any violence - Tim never hit me, although I thought he might a couple of times... but he probably knew he'd never live to brag about it if he did. I would not have hesitated to defend myself if it had become necessary! Got guns and know how to use them... but only after I would have worked him over with a bat or whatever was handy. No male (can't call a male who hits women a MAN) is ever gonna whoop on me and not have it given back to him, and I sure wouldn't stay with one after it happened! There was never any adultery either - for either of us (something else I would not tolerate or stick around for). Can't say that I wasn't tempted or that the opportunities weren't there for me to cheat, but I didn't. Anyway, our problems came from the fact that Tim treated me like CRAP. There was TERRIBLE emotional and mental abuse, and just downright meanness on his part. He treated the kids badly too, and to this day (even though he has changed) they have no respect for him, no real relationship with him, and they still have bitterness and resentment for him. They get along with him and try to treat him decently, but that's about it. And Tim still wonders WHY they feel the way they do!!! Well, DUH!!!! Tim was miserable and made our lives MORE than miserable!!!
When Tim and I had literally reached the very end of our rope, God worked a miracle in us and in our marriage, and it basically happened overnight. For the most part, we are very happy now! Tim, as some of you know, has a flare up (or short relapse) on rare occasions, but they are usually short lived and nothing compared to what it used to be.
Randy, I know what the Bible has to say about divorce. I almost ended up there myself - on several occasions. I DO believe couples need to stay together if at all possible. However, I also do not believe that it is God's will that we live in torment, constant abuse (whether it be adultery, mental, emotional, or physical), or loveless relationships. If you have done all you can do and have depended on the Lord and sought him with your whole heart concerning this... and feel that this is the only answer, then God bless you, brother! Not that it matters, but you have my full support! You cannot control Kathy and you cannot make her love you, and you cannot make her try to work things out. You are not at fault here! "What God has joined together, let no man.........." The thing about that is that, a lot of times it wasn't GOD who joined people together! It was man/woman/love/lust or whatever, that joined them together! We might have joined together due to our OWN wills, and only under God's "permissive will." I will probably receive a dozen or more PMs trying to show me the error of my ways in thinking this way, but.... "Until you have walked a mile in my shoes......."
I'm glad you watched Fire Proof and tried the Love Dare. That is an AWESOME movie and I believe it is truly anointed to bring couples together! And, although a hard thing to do, The Love Dare is a wonderful thing to try. I'm sorry it didn't work for you and Kathy; I wish it had of. Do what you feel is best, and just make sure you are at peace with the Lord about your decision. But, also keep in mind that nothing is too hard for God! I assure you that if he could take the horrible marriage Tim and I had, and turn it into something good - especially overnight - then nothing is too hard for Him to do! Maybe some time apart could open Kathy's eyes and give the Lord time to work on her heart... you never know.
Lisa
Want you to know that I will continue to pray for you and Kathy. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. All married couples have their differences, fusses, tiffs and fights. While that can be stressful, damaging, or at the very least, unpleasant, we are usually able to forgive and move on. BUT, if a person (or a couple) has never experienced serious marital problems, they honestly do not have a clue what you are going through. They might think they understand, simply by trying to imagine themselves in your shoes, or trying to base your situation on their own past tiffs and difficulties - but like you said, "Walk a mile in my shoes and see if you do not feel the way I do." Until you actually walk a mile in those shoes, you really DO NOT understand... even though you THINK you do. While all the details might not be exactly the same, I, my friend, HAVE walked in your shoes! And I KNOW, first hand, the pain, hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment you are feeling. I lived in pure hell for several years before God miraculously intervened in my marriage. There was never any violence - Tim never hit me, although I thought he might a couple of times... but he probably knew he'd never live to brag about it if he did. I would not have hesitated to defend myself if it had become necessary! Got guns and know how to use them... but only after I would have worked him over with a bat or whatever was handy. No male (can't call a male who hits women a MAN) is ever gonna whoop on me and not have it given back to him, and I sure wouldn't stay with one after it happened! There was never any adultery either - for either of us (something else I would not tolerate or stick around for). Can't say that I wasn't tempted or that the opportunities weren't there for me to cheat, but I didn't. Anyway, our problems came from the fact that Tim treated me like CRAP. There was TERRIBLE emotional and mental abuse, and just downright meanness on his part. He treated the kids badly too, and to this day (even though he has changed) they have no respect for him, no real relationship with him, and they still have bitterness and resentment for him. They get along with him and try to treat him decently, but that's about it. And Tim still wonders WHY they feel the way they do!!! Well, DUH!!!! Tim was miserable and made our lives MORE than miserable!!!
When Tim and I had literally reached the very end of our rope, God worked a miracle in us and in our marriage, and it basically happened overnight. For the most part, we are very happy now! Tim, as some of you know, has a flare up (or short relapse) on rare occasions, but they are usually short lived and nothing compared to what it used to be.
Randy, I know what the Bible has to say about divorce. I almost ended up there myself - on several occasions. I DO believe couples need to stay together if at all possible. However, I also do not believe that it is God's will that we live in torment, constant abuse (whether it be adultery, mental, emotional, or physical), or loveless relationships. If you have done all you can do and have depended on the Lord and sought him with your whole heart concerning this... and feel that this is the only answer, then God bless you, brother! Not that it matters, but you have my full support! You cannot control Kathy and you cannot make her love you, and you cannot make her try to work things out. You are not at fault here! "What God has joined together, let no man.........." The thing about that is that, a lot of times it wasn't GOD who joined people together! It was man/woman/love/lust or whatever, that joined them together! We might have joined together due to our OWN wills, and only under God's "permissive will." I will probably receive a dozen or more PMs trying to show me the error of my ways in thinking this way, but.... "Until you have walked a mile in my shoes......."
I'm glad you watched Fire Proof and tried the Love Dare. That is an AWESOME movie and I believe it is truly anointed to bring couples together! And, although a hard thing to do, The Love Dare is a wonderful thing to try. I'm sorry it didn't work for you and Kathy; I wish it had of. Do what you feel is best, and just make sure you are at peace with the Lord about your decision. But, also keep in mind that nothing is too hard for God! I assure you that if he could take the horrible marriage Tim and I had, and turn it into something good - especially overnight - then nothing is too hard for Him to do! Maybe some time apart could open Kathy's eyes and give the Lord time to work on her heart... you never know.
Lisa