What do do about an "unfriendly" stepson:rolleyes:

[Anonymous]

I have two stepsons. One(the older) has his PHD in medicine, and works in DC with the FDA. He has always had a very high opinion of himself, and I have tried for 20 years to get along with him. He, his wife, and their 3 year-old came to visit for Easter yesterday. Although we don't see them but a few times a year, mostly on holidays, he NEVER fails to make a comment or statement to me that ruins my entire day, if not many days. I am very easy to get along with, but this guy, in my opinion, is a self-worshiping jerk. I never tell him when he has angered me, because then the wife adds to the dilema. I hate to tell her when I have endured such treatment, because then I'm the bad guy. Yesterday, I went and got my detector and headed to the vehicle, to quietly slip away from the situation. Then the wife came out and laid a guilt trip on me for wanting to leave. She doesn't understand my position, because I have no kids of my own for her to associate with. The younger stepson has a great personality, and is always great to be around(but that's not the point here). I could have, and should have worked all day yesterday, but didn't(the inner voice was telling me to). I'm not in the best of health, and I can't stand the thought that, one day when I die, the "irate" stepson could inherit half of my assets that I had prior to being married. This includes my farm, money, and everything I own. What to do? Change the will? It's been a tough 20 years.....

 

[Magyar]

That's a tough one, tesoronut. A pompous guy with a PHD, who is full of himself is a tough nut to crack.

I doubt that he will ever change...too bad; I'm sorry for your problem and I pray that God will give you the emotional strength to deal with this difficult personality in your family

 

[warthog]

an immature ass,and probably will never change...Change your will??Id probably do it,too...Just be ready for a LOT of grief from the wife...As for the son in law-every time he opens his mouth;just feel pity for the immature ass that never grew up...

 

[Mike from MI "Iron Brigade"]

Is he a Christian? If so then the Word says we are to go to that brother and tell him the problem.
If he is not, then pray for his heart to change. It still may be a good idea to talk with him about this matter.
We can pray about this matter too.
As for your will, maybe he will grow up and the feelings between you will get better? If they don't I would not feel bad changing my will!
Be sure to share with the wife if you decide to change the will.
God bless.

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your replies. I appreciate it alot. At least I only have to walk "lightly" a few times a year. One thing for sure, the next time we have a family "get together", I'm going to make sure I'm at work, even if I'm donating my work time for free. I'd much rather distance myself from the situation in the future. It's a shame that this world is getting more like this individual. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Lord knows, there's nobody in this house that I can complain to........Best of Luck to y'all, and Thanks, Mag....Hope you had a great Easter!!!

 

[Anonymous]

[quote Mike from MI "Iron Brigade"]Is he a Christian? If so then the Word says we are to go to that brother and tell him the problem.
If he is not, then pray for his heart to change. It still may be a good idea to talk with him about this matter.
We can pray about this matter too.
As for your will, maybe he will grow up and the feelings between you will get better? If they don't I would not feel bad changing my will!
Be sure to share with the wife if you decide to change the will.
God bless.[/quote] Thanks. I'm from the 'old school". I'll go out of my way to help someone in need. I'm usually the first one to apologize for something, even If I did nothing wrong(if it will help the situation). This guy appears to me that he doesn't have time for Christ. I wish no bad will on anyone, but from my experience, people like this usually find themselves in a situation that MAKES them humble. Only question is.....when?, and will they wonder WHY the event has happened? Then, if they don't wake up, something else will probably follow. Interesting how some folks still don't get it. God WILL eventually get our attention...Oh, and as for sharing with the wife, I realize that will have to happen, and it's sure to add salt to the wound...

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Tesoronut....I agree with Mike in MI and the best thing to do is to pray for yourself, your wife and your abnoxious stepson. For yourself to have peace whenever you have to be around him! Pray for strength to go through and the power to overcome that and all other situations that stress you out! For you wife, to see the situation about her son as it is and agree to help do something about it....like praying for and talking to him. Her eyes are blinded to whatever her son does that is bad or hurts others.

For your know-it-all stepson....pray for his soul to be saved, pray God will get his attention and pray that each of you could get along without your getting hurt by his cutting remarks! The stress on you and the whole family is just too hard on all of you!

And most of all ask God, in Jesus' name, to help you to be more than an overcomer in this situation, to show you what you can do or say that will make your visits less tense and more enjoyable! Give it all to Him and don't take it back again.....lay it at Jesus' feet....He is able to do more than anyone can even imagine! Until you see the situation changed for the better, you could go for a walk or go detecting or fishing to leave for awhile to relieve your stress and not get angry. Just tell your wife, I'm sorry, but I need to get away for awhile and then explain more to her later. Pray God will give her hearing ears and eyes that truly see! Pray for all to have godly wisdom to view everything that happens through God's loving eyes! I've been through a lot and have come a long way in getting through, while enduring and overcoming all that God has allowed to happen to me by getting my attention and draw me closer to Him! I praise God for using what seemed like a two-by-four between my eyes. I'm both Irish and German, so He had to do something no matter how it hurt me.....but He is more loving to me than ever and blesses me mightily!

I will pray for each of you and I hope all will be peaceful and loving in time! Usually when another person runs down others, it is because they have a very low opinion of themselves even if they are well educated. He may be angry with his biological father and his mother and taking it out on you! When he makes a remark that hurts you, why don't you say to him, Jesus Loves You or God loves you and no more and just leave and let him think about it before you return. Do this every time and don't say any more! If he doesn't like it, he will realize what he is doing to get you to say it! Love conquers all!!!!

Anyway my prayers are with you and yours!

God Bless!
Betty

 

[Anonymous]

n/t

 

[Mike from MI "Iron Brigade"]

that my prayers for wisdom and direction will start now!

 

[steve in so la]

I would decide who's more important in my life and go with that - no matter what. You will never please everyone so think it over. steve in so az

 

[Anonymous]

Thank you All !!!!!!!!!!

 

[seeker41]

if at all possible i would try and sit down with him and figure things out. talk to your wife about it? call him on the phone and let him know what he does or says that gets to you? have you tried these things before? praying for you all!!