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little off topic, but guaranteed to get a chuckle or two... :rofl:

I got bored after a sleepless night, so I went through a lot of old detecting related files on my computer and ran across a little something that I wrote up years ago but never posted, so here it is:

For the novice metal detecting enthusiast there is a lot of confusing or vague terminology surrounding the metal detector and the hobby itself. Here I will attempt to decipher many technical words and phrases of metal detecting into layman's terms that everyone can understand...

METAL DETECTING TERMINOLOGY:

LOOP: the open length of headphone wire that snags on a tree branch, yanking them off your ears.

SHAFT: what you get after a long day of digging pulltabs, nails, and rotted zinc pennies but no silver.

COIL: device on end of your detector designed to efficiently stir up every bloodthirsty mosquito in the lawn.

BOX: the heavy end of the detector that improves aerodynamic flight when it is thrown thru the air.

CABLE: what you should have been watching at home instead of out digging pennies in the summer heat.

HANDLE: the slippery part of the detector that always squirts out of your hands.

GROUND BALANCE: your attempt at regaining equilibrium after stepping into a knee deep gopher hole.

MINERALIZATION: the act of sharp rocks piercing your knee cap every time you kneel to dig.

TRIGGER: a promising signal that turns out to be trash, causing you to lose your cool in a cussing ranting rage.

KNOB: tree root protrusion that your detector strikes, shattering the rod in half.

HEADPHONES: that phantom sound you hear that always makes you think that your cell phone is ringing.

PINPOINT: the end of a used hypodermic needle in the ground that stabs your hand.

DEPTHMETER: graphic indicator of target position in the ground - give or take several inches.

METER: what you forget to feed after parking your car, costing you a 15 dollar fine in dirty clad coins.

S-HANDLE: short for Stupidfriggenflimsyass Handle.

HIPMOUNT: a complicated manouver of landing on the side of your a$$ when slipping on wet grass.

PROBE: body cavity search for hidden artifacts performed after your arrest for hunting a national battlefield.

SENSITIVITY: the tears you shed when you carve a huge gash right through an old silver coin during retrieval.

PULSE INDUCTION: that little jolt of electricity that stops your heart when you dig into an underground wire.

VERY LOW FREQUENCY: probability rate of finding a gold ring in all those pulltab signals.

BEAT FREQUENCY OSCILLATOR: high tension power lines that make a detector go "WUH-WUH-WUH-WUH".

TRANSMIT/RECEIVE: the act of you catching Lyme disease from a tick bite at your favorite relic site.

Now that you are more familiar with this hobby, wouldn't you rather take up golfing???

Take care and HH, Mike.
 
Love it!! I will never think of my detector in the same way:crazy:


Bob Kononiuk
 
Thanks for sharing such knowledgeable info. Now I know what some of them words mean thanks to you. If your not making finds, your cracking us up. Thank you! Good Luck and HH to you Mike.
 
But, oh so true.
 
Hey Mike! You must have been reading my mind! A lot of buddies over the years tried to get me into golf, but I never could see batting a small ball around and then throwing expensive clubs into a tree. Now here I am spending big bucks on detector equipment and wearing out my already sore back digging pennies out of the ground. And I can't wait to do it all over again the next day! Great Humor! Sometimes It's all you got. I think it was Mel Fisher the treasure hunter that said' tomorrow might be the day!" when asked what kept him going.
 
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