Nine years ago, we moved to a new house, with a 30 x 50 barn (MAN-CAVE!!!). I told her to stay out of it, and went out under the first full moon and pottied on all four corners, designed to mark my territory and thus keep her from going inside.
I hid a 40 horse Kubota Tractor in that barn, and she didn't find it for almost 4 months. When she did, she put me to work with it, mowing pastures for other folks. Sneaky woman put an ad in the paper and they started calling me. Once a month, I would give her enough money to make the payment on the tractor. After a year and a half, she discovered my secret bank account, appropriately titled on the spreadsheet she found opened on my computer, "Dennis Secret Account". It had $17k plus a bit of change that 1. I had made with the tractor, and 2. She knew nothing about. When she demanded to know where the money came from, I started to tell her that I was a part time gigolo, but she would know that ain't so, cause I am a fat old man.
Instead, I told the truth....well, I thought it sounded like it, that I had been working hard mowing, saving money to take her on a cruise. She wasn't buying that "Truth" at all. I was mostly concerned on my ability to outrun her if she started going through my purchases reflected on that spreadsheet, which reflected all the man toys I had bought that were resident in my now co-ed former man cave. I trembled with abject fear, because I have seen that woman unhinge her lower jaw and swallow children whole!
Well, I "voluntarily" closed my secret account, swore never to do so again, and she place her unhinged jaw back in place, thus sparing my life I am sure.
Fast forward to now. Here I sit, in my 2012, 32 foot, 3 slide new MAN_CAVE travel trailer, in a beautiful Bastrop Texas KOA campground, working, making money, and somehow, in the past month of money deposits in my renamed "Special Account", I have Procured....yeah, that's the ticket, "Procured" enough funds to buy two AR-15's and more importantly, within the past week and a half, the gods have managed to arrange my paychecks so that I could pay money to a certain metal detector superstore (rhymes with bellyhole...sorta), without getting caught, a sum of money which should put me within one or two hundred dollars of the cost of a CTX3030 PLUS a 17 inch coil.
And the BEST PART! She can't unhinge her lower jaw far enough to swaller me whole 200 miles away! Of course, if she reads this, or someone here spills the beans, my Man-Cave barn back home may become a pink painted sissy house. I'm just sayin.......so said superstore should be sending my brand new MAN-TOY to my portable MAN-CAVE, so that we may bond, and become ONE lean mean metal detecting team.
So, SHHHHHH !!! don't tell my wife!!
(Just Ball park) Because I sure Can't !
Grumpy
