Mike Chgo area
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n/t
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Anonymous
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HI Rick, and I know exactly what you are talking about as my ex never supported me but a lot of it was my fault too, as I would get tired of things as they were and start complaining or (Nagging) as most men would call it! But didn't do any good as he turned a deaf ear and when I wasn't feeling well, he would say I was just a hypocondriac! I was ill physically, emotionally and very unhappy! I needed his attention and love in ways that I never had from my dad and a wife needs to feel that love to be able to respond to her husband! The Bible says to love your wife as God loved the Church and gave Himself for her! I pray that you both show love towards one another in ways that each has respect for the other! Treat her like a queen and you will be her king! Hope you both get together with the counseor as she would be good for each of you and your marriage!
Please do not put the seed of divorce into your minds as Satan would like nothing better than to tear your family apart! When you pray......pray expecting God to work a miracle in your marriage and both of you to draw nearer to Him! Mike and Lisa's posts were very good and may the Good Lord do a good work in your lives and for His purpose to those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose! He has a plan for you Rick and will use you mightily...just give yourself time to grow in the Word and in His everlasting love! Amen! God Bless! Betty
Please do not put the seed of divorce into your minds as Satan would like nothing better than to tear your family apart! When you pray......pray expecting God to work a miracle in your marriage and both of you to draw nearer to Him! Mike and Lisa's posts were very good and may the Good Lord do a good work in your lives and for His purpose to those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose! He has a plan for you Rick and will use you mightily...just give yourself time to grow in the Word and in His everlasting love! Amen! God Bless! Betty
A
Anonymous
Guest
I am working day instead of evening today, so I can attend a support meeting tonight. I am grateful for the replies that I am reading this morning, and would thank you individually, but I'm in a rush to get to work. Once again, thanks and God Bless!!
steve in so la
Well-known member
f
TreasureDigger
Active member
Ma Betty in MO said:
[b ]In our case, the roles were reversed! I'm not a complainer - or nagger. It was the other way around! Still is at times! Ha! But NOTHING compared to how it used to be. I'm too laid back and like to go with the flow. I also hate confrontation or trouble of any kind. Maybe if I had of bucked up and put my foot down in the beginning, I might not have lived through all those years of turmoil. Instead, I would just keep my mouth shut and let him criticize, tear down, complain, argue, and NAG! So I suppose some of it was my fault in that I didn't shut him down and put a stop to it. I tried at times, but not hard enough, I guess. Thank GOD it's not an issue anymore! Those days are long gone thanks to God and His amazing grace![/b]
Ma Betty in MO said:
Besides the Lord being at the center of it all........ no truer words have ever been spoken.
Lisa
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Anonymous
Guest
I don't think it's in quite that bad o' shape yet.....Besides, she wouldn't go anyway......She wanted me sober, and now I am. Perhaps she liked me better when I was drinking.....seeker41(columbus ohio) said:
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Anonymous
Guest
Thanks again for the posts. As long as I'm living the way the Good Lord wants me to, I have no regrets. I'm not getting the "cold shoulder" from him. I am also not giving a "cold shoulder" to my wife. But if that's what she wants me to have, at least it's something..........
A
Anonymous
Guest
Thanks Steve! May you and Nancy be blessed with happiness in your marriage always! 
God Bless! Betty
God Bless! Betty
A
Anonymous
Guest
Thanks Lisa for your post! Each of us are born and raised differenty! I went with the flow until I got tired of it and then I would let him have it, which of course made things worse and not better, as I didn't have the Lord then in my life like I do now! I just wish I would have had more godly wisdom back then, but being shy and naive I put up with a lot of stuff like I did my dad and took what my ex said when he run me down as I was used to it! He made all kinds of bad comments in the last years of our marriage and whenever he opened his mouth I believed him! I was taught to tell the truth and I thought everyone else did....but WOW did I find out and have found out differently more and more. Too many untrusting and unworthy people in this world including some who are or were close to us!
As the old saying goes, too soon old and too late smart! That's me....but I am so glad I have the Lord and know He loves me even if no one else ever did or does! I listened to Adrian Rogers on Father's Day preach on how to be a father and the first thing is to love Jesus and your wife! To put her on a pedalstile ? which he always did and he was about to cry because he loved his wife so much! He has passed away and they are just showing his videos every Sunday morning at 11:00 am on Channel 372 (CBN) and Cliff watches him too! We both really like his preaching and he makes it very easy to understand!
It is up to the husband to love his wife and never speak ill of her or each other around the children and respect her so the children will respect and love their parents! I am so happy that your marriage is better and with God as the head of your home! Ours never would have worked out because he liked other women too much and was always unfaithful, which I didn't know until he filed for a divorce and then I woke up to the lies he had told so long! It was like God hit me with a two-by-four between the eyes and said wake up My child and start serving me as you should, now I am or hope so anyway! I praise Him for Who I am now in Him! Amen! God Bless! Betty
As the old saying goes, too soon old and too late smart! That's me....but I am so glad I have the Lord and know He loves me even if no one else ever did or does! I listened to Adrian Rogers on Father's Day preach on how to be a father and the first thing is to love Jesus and your wife! To put her on a pedalstile ? which he always did and he was about to cry because he loved his wife so much! He has passed away and they are just showing his videos every Sunday morning at 11:00 am on Channel 372 (CBN) and Cliff watches him too! We both really like his preaching and he makes it very easy to understand!
It is up to the husband to love his wife and never speak ill of her or each other around the children and respect her so the children will respect and love their parents! I am so happy that your marriage is better and with God as the head of your home! Ours never would have worked out because he liked other women too much and was always unfaithful, which I didn't know until he filed for a divorce and then I woke up to the lies he had told so long! It was like God hit me with a two-by-four between the eyes and said wake up My child and start serving me as you should, now I am or hope so anyway! I praise Him for Who I am now in Him! Amen!
God Bless! BettyWords like "support" and "understanding" are, to me, quite harmful. They are often used to describe something one partner feels they deserve but aren't getting from the other.
I say, stop demanding support or understanding, or anything else that requires your wife to give. The more you demand, the harder it will be for her to give.
If you are wanting to explore your new thoughts and feelings to seek understanding, then tell her. An approach that indicates that you value her views, her ideas and her participation is in order.
Don't center your conversations on you or your feelings. Instead, ask her to describe what she is thinking, then relate that to how you feel. When she tells you something, actually listen to what she is saying. Listen with your ears, your mind, and your heart. Comments like "I think I can understand what you are feeling because I have similar feelings." will allow you to talk about what is on your mind too. Conversations go both ways. You have to make hearing what your partner is saying more important than what you have to say. When the conversation starts to get heated, and defenses start coming online, stop the conversation. Address the issue directly. Something like "I can feel you and I are starting to get defensive. We should slow down and cool off. I have no desire to hurt you, and I know you don't want to hurt me. We can come back to this topic later, if you like." That takes the pressure off her to deal with something unpleasant until she feels better prepared for it. It also lets her know you care, and that you are not attacking her. If you find you are attacking her, stop it. Be honest with yourself and her. You are the man in this marriage, that means she looks to you for support and guidance. A woman cannot be expected to respect a man that behaves like a child. You have to have honesty, integrity, and strength. The honesty and integrity you will find within yourself. Your strength must come from God. Is she a strong Christian woman? If not, it is your responsibility to help her become one. Even harder to do when you are confused about your own faith. However, it is necessary for you both to learn and grow together in faith. You need to study together. A marriage that is unequally yoked will not survive.
Veiled threats, even to make a point, are counter productive. You may think you are making a point, but what you are telling her is that you are about to discard her, and she needs to start protecting herself. You are her protector. It's a sad day when she needs to be protected from her protector.
Sorry for the long post, but I couldn't sit back and say nothing.
I say, stop demanding support or understanding, or anything else that requires your wife to give. The more you demand, the harder it will be for her to give.
If you are wanting to explore your new thoughts and feelings to seek understanding, then tell her. An approach that indicates that you value her views, her ideas and her participation is in order.
Don't center your conversations on you or your feelings. Instead, ask her to describe what she is thinking, then relate that to how you feel. When she tells you something, actually listen to what she is saying. Listen with your ears, your mind, and your heart. Comments like "I think I can understand what you are feeling because I have similar feelings." will allow you to talk about what is on your mind too. Conversations go both ways. You have to make hearing what your partner is saying more important than what you have to say. When the conversation starts to get heated, and defenses start coming online, stop the conversation. Address the issue directly. Something like "I can feel you and I are starting to get defensive. We should slow down and cool off. I have no desire to hurt you, and I know you don't want to hurt me. We can come back to this topic later, if you like." That takes the pressure off her to deal with something unpleasant until she feels better prepared for it. It also lets her know you care, and that you are not attacking her. If you find you are attacking her, stop it. Be honest with yourself and her. You are the man in this marriage, that means she looks to you for support and guidance. A woman cannot be expected to respect a man that behaves like a child. You have to have honesty, integrity, and strength. The honesty and integrity you will find within yourself. Your strength must come from God. Is she a strong Christian woman? If not, it is your responsibility to help her become one. Even harder to do when you are confused about your own faith. However, it is necessary for you both to learn and grow together in faith. You need to study together. A marriage that is unequally yoked will not survive.
Veiled threats, even to make a point, are counter productive. You may think you are making a point, but what you are telling her is that you are about to discard her, and she needs to start protecting herself. You are her protector. It's a sad day when she needs to be protected from her protector.
Sorry for the long post, but I couldn't sit back and say nothing.
A
Anonymous
Guest
I'm a very humble person now, and I'm in the "re-building" stage of my life. I'm not as bad a guy as you think. Thanks for your post. It has shown me one important thing......that I should NEVER have created this thread. For that I am truly sorry, and I would ask that it not be posted on again......God Blessa4wdguy said:
Hope you stop by again. Good advice, well said.
God bless.
Mike
God bless.
Mike
TreasureDigger
Active member
n/t
7centsworth
Well-known member
Yall hang in there we are all praying for you.
SeniorSeeker
Active member
One Of The Respondents Asked If Tesoronut Had Joined A Local Metal Detecting Club; My Answer To That Question AND My Thoughts, Prayers, & Hope For A Brother In Need Of Our Prayerful Support.
Fellow Seekers,
There are several metal detecting clubs within the Kent County area but, when I began metal detecting and wanted to join a local club, 'none' of them answered my emails requesting information (and I do mean 'none' of them). Frustrated and not finding the answers I was seeking, I began to fashion a 'New Club' on the Internet for those 'New' to the hobby of metal detecting. The purpose of the club was to offer the beginning detectorist a variety of articles, video's and pictures to educate them prior to venturing out into the field. The common complaint I received, from directors of parks with the city and county in my area, was that some were digging extremely large holes and didn't properly fill them before they left the park. My research took me far and wide and River City Treasure Club is the results of that research. To properly educate the beginner, it was necessary I become a student of the process and thereby extensive research continues to make RCTC a better offering than when it first began. RCTC is an On-Line Metal Detecting Club and part of Ning.Com; a social website community. Memership is free of charge but a 'Username' and 'Password' will be required to join. One note of interest: you must type and or copy & paste the URL of RCTC into your browser window - not into a search window - such as Yahoo or Google. The address of the club is: http://www.rivercitytreasureclub.com/ . Feel free to visit RCTC, join if you wish, and share it
with those you know, who are just beginning in the hobby of metal detecting, so that we, as a collective group, will gain a better reputation with park administrators.
Now back to the topic at hand; Tesornut's Spiritual Growth ~
Sir ... You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I too experienced similar difficulties much like what you're experiencing now. Hang in there brother! Trust God! And continue to pray for your mate. My mate, after our divorce, married one of my best friends and I continue to pray for them both to this day hoping God's Holy Spirit will touch their hearts and lead them to Himself. NEVER GIVE UP bro...
SeniorSeeker Seeking Treasure Here on Earth & in Heaven
Fellow Seekers,
There are several metal detecting clubs within the Kent County area but, when I began metal detecting and wanted to join a local club, 'none' of them answered my emails requesting information (and I do mean 'none' of them). Frustrated and not finding the answers I was seeking, I began to fashion a 'New Club' on the Internet for those 'New' to the hobby of metal detecting. The purpose of the club was to offer the beginning detectorist a variety of articles, video's and pictures to educate them prior to venturing out into the field. The common complaint I received, from directors of parks with the city and county in my area, was that some were digging extremely large holes and didn't properly fill them before they left the park. My research took me far and wide and River City Treasure Club is the results of that research. To properly educate the beginner, it was necessary I become a student of the process and thereby extensive research continues to make RCTC a better offering than when it first began. RCTC is an On-Line Metal Detecting Club and part of Ning.Com; a social website community. Memership is free of charge but a 'Username' and 'Password' will be required to join. One note of interest: you must type and or copy & paste the URL of RCTC into your browser window - not into a search window - such as Yahoo or Google. The address of the club is: http://www.rivercitytreasureclub.com/ . Feel free to visit RCTC, join if you wish, and share it
with those you know, who are just beginning in the hobby of metal detecting, so that we, as a collective group, will gain a better reputation with park administrators.
Now back to the topic at hand; Tesornut's Spiritual Growth ~
Sir ... You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I too experienced similar difficulties much like what you're experiencing now. Hang in there brother! Trust God! And continue to pray for your mate. My mate, after our divorce, married one of my best friends and I continue to pray for them both to this day hoping God's Holy Spirit will touch their hearts and lead them to Himself. NEVER GIVE UP bro...
SeniorSeeker Seeking Treasure Here on Earth & in Heaven