Rick,
My heart really goes out to you right now. I'm sure it is probably hard enough dealing with all the side effects of putting down the bottle without the added marital issues. Even though it doesn't involve alcohol, some of the things you've mentioned in this post bring up some really ugly memories for me. [Some of the older members of the forum have read some of this before but I want to repeat a condensed version for your benefit] Tim and I have been married for what will soon be 26 years. Things are good for us now - well, most of the time anyway (we've had a recent tiff), but this sure wasn't the case for the first few years we were married. There has never been any adultery on either side or any physical violence, but for several years Tim was very verbally abusive, NON SUPPORTIVE, and a real J-E-R-K, not only to me, but also to our kids. My friends and our kids would beg me to leave him. Even now, our kids (who are now grown) have no respect for him and pretty much a nonexistent relationship with him. They deal with him when they have to and try to be as pleasant as possible, but those old scars are still there. Tim and I had finally reached the point that neither of us could take it anymore and were ready to walk away. We even had that dreaded talk one evening where we both admitted that we couldn't live that way any longer and that something had to be done. We went to bed that night not speaking, as usual. The next morning it was like we both woke up in a brand new world. I had prayed and prayed for years for God to work a miracle in our marriage but seldom saw any results or change, but that morning everything was completely different! Over night, God DID do a miracle for us! Why wasn't it a gradual progressive work over a period of time instead of an over night change??? I don't know! All I know is that things were completely different that next morning for BOTH of us. I sure can't explain it, all I know is that it was definitely a GOD THING. That was several years ago and we have been HAPPY ever since that day. Not that we don't have the typical ups and downs and occasional spats - we do - but there is no more of the really bad stuff anymore! Praise God! Tim came back to the Lord shortly after that time. He hasn't been verbally abusive since that day. He still struggles with being negative at times and it drives me insane. He will sometimes, but rarely, slip into a non supportive and critical period but he recognizes it now and adjusts his attitude. Even with the occasional tiff, life is good. You're probably wondering what MY part in the whole thing was... since there is always two sides to every story... well, I, by no means, am perfect! We all have our faults. But Tim will sometimes admit now that 99% of our old problems were his fault. There were times when I would have enough and fuss, argue, and fight back with him, but I HATE confrontation and most of the time would just suck it up and take whatever he dished out. It hurt and it hurt bad, but I would just keep praying for him/us and go on with life. It paid off in the end - thanks to the Lord! Hang in there Rick! Life CAN be good for you and your wife. Pray for her, pray for yourself, and pray for your marriage. Ask God to open YOUR eyes to your faults and things YOU need to change, and ask him to open your wife's eyes to the things SHE needs to change. Then ask God to help you change them!!! He IS a miracle working God and is WELL ABLE to turn things around for you! Not only in your marriage, but in every area of your life! I will be praying for you!
Have you seen the Christian movie, Fire Proof? If not, PLEASE go rent it or go buy it! It came out a few months ago and is an AWESOME story of how God can turn a marriage around! There is a book that comes from that movie called, The Love Dare. It is basically the program that was used in the movie. I/we haven't taken the Love Dare, but I know some people who have and it has really changed their marriage. You can rent the movie at any movie rental place, or you can buy it at Walmart or any Christian bookstore. You can find the Love Dare book at those places as well. Maybe you could watch it with your wife??????
Lisa
